Okay, SERIOUSLY??

I'm frustrated.

Actually, I don't think that frustrated, covers it.

I spoke to my youngest son's teacher today. He's 4 1/2, with a will of iron, and a control freak to boot. This is the kid, who, as a toddler, would scream to get out of his crib in the morning, and when you'd go to pick him up, he'd drop like a stone, and cling to the bars. So, I'd then leave the room, wait a few minutes, and try again.

Rinse and repeat.

Some mornings, it would take an hour just to get him out of the damn crib.

He's a challenge. As well as excellent birth control.

I adore him. I do, he's funny, and can charm your socks off, when he's not being so infuriatingly difficult, that you'd like to strangle him with your socks.

Now, I had spoken with his teacher, a lovely woman, named Mrs. Baker, last week, about his progress. The first time we met his teacher, he performed. In rare, and humiliating form. My husband had some sort of freaky virus that had given him headaches, so sudden and severe, that we had spent the whole weekend in the hospital, while they tried to figure out if it wasn't an aneurysm, or a stroke. So, Momma operating on about...4 hours sleep, in a 48 hour period, and Lucien, who smells weakness the way a bloodhound senses...well, blood, I guess, performed. He twirled, he wouldn't sit in the chair, he whined, he slumped, he like to got strangled by his own mother, who, fortunately, was too tired to summon the upper-body strength .

Now, after this less-than-stellar introduction, he actually settled in quite nicely, enjoys school, listens well, etc. He's a good kid. You just have to prove that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

So, last week, she calls to tell me that she's concerned. He's inconsistent, with what he knows. Somedays he can pick his name off the board, others, he can't. Somedays he knows his colors (one of my other son's is colorblind, so this was a concern with Lucien), and other days he doesn't. Then...she says the magic words.

"When I'm working with him, one-on-one, he'll say to me, that he doesn't want to do this anymore."

*TA-DA*

I explained to her that she was going to have to prove to him, that it was in his best interest to work with her, and do his best, because I know for a fact that the little crapper knows ALL of his colors, and can pick his name out of a line-up. He just didn't want to.

She said that she was still concerned about his fine motor skills, so she was going to have the school OT, take a look, and do a quick eval, to see what her thoughts were.

I know the school OT, she works with Aidan, my 8 year old, who is dyslexic.

She met with Lucien today, and then Mrs. Baker called me...Apparently, given the family history (after Aidan's diagnosis, we discovered that virtually all of the men, on my mother's side of the family, are dyslexic, both my uncles, 2 out of 3 great-uncles, etc.), and what she saw today, she has some major concerns, and wants to do a full evaluation. The upshot of the conversation, was when his teacher told me that after informing him, that if he didn't finish up his work, when they're working together, he wasn't allowed to go play at ALL, he suddenly had a whole new skill set, LOL.

However, he's having trouble with directionals.

fuckmotherfuckerfuckshitFIRE.

That is exactly how Aidan first presented. I don't want this for him. I didn't want it for Aidan. Selfishly, I wonder how much more this will take out of me. Aidan is doing really well, thriving, even. His tutoring has helped immensely, he's almost at grade level, and is starting to enjoy reading, even if it is, just a tiny bit.

But, he tutors for an hour and a half, twice a week. Between that, sports for both older boys, how the hell am I going to find time, to have Lucien tutored as well??

I realize, I'm borrowing trouble. Nothing definitive. No way to know. If it even is the case, that's what moms DO. They do what needs to be done, so their children can thrive.

But damn.

I thought, at some point, I'd have enough of my own life, my own time, to finish my degree before 40. Like 40 is all that unreasonable of a goal?

But I don't WANT to be the grown-up! drreid-blockston@cavtel.net