a big update to y'all, but there really isn't much to tell. I have my good days, and bad days, though, the bad seem to outnumber the good. I'm out of surreal-land, where it seemed as if it was happening to someone else, which, I suppose is a good thing, but lordisa, it doesn't feel like it. Everything is hard, you know? He stopped by so often, and I talked to him on the phone so much...I just really, really, really miss him. Aidan's party this Saturday (he's gonna be 10, and is 5'3", LOL) is going to be hard. He always came early to eat and help set up...
I'm just sad, and really uncommunicative right now. Jen went to to a Q & A thing last night, she's becoming a mortician, and today she was talking to me about it, and I just had to cut her off.
My mom is still sick. She caught the flu at the funeral, then a secondary infection, and started running a fever 2 days ago, again. She's getting all her papers in order, while we sort through all my dad's things. Since he was a brittle diabetic, and diagnosed so young, he has a lot of small policies ,instead of one large life insurance policy, though, we found one for $163,000 the other day, which takes a huge load off of my mom's mind. We've gone through all his clothes, and boxed them up for the homeless shelter. I took some of the new sweaters she'd gotten him, that still had the tags on, for the boys. I have his watch, and wear it all the time, though it's broken. I'm never on time anyway, so fuck it, LOL.
I'm adding more to the dogtag tattoo that I got. It's a flaming hot rod wheel, with flames and wings (very Sailor Jerry), for the other side of my forearm, and it will have the quote from Shakespere "It is a wise father that knows his own child", along with "Daddy's girl" on it. Cliche, I know, but fuck it. It fits.
So, that's all about me. I had a pretty good day today, until I got in the car and listened to Tori Amos song, "Winter", which has always reminded me of him, turned it off, and got song by Lifehouse that's about barely breathing, with a broken heart that is still beating, which, though I loathe the band, is pretty much my theme song.
Shitfire, everything about this sucks. I'm just so gogdamn fucking sad, and I MISS him, so much. I tried to prep myself for this, but I guess there is no preparing, yk? I just feel crushed.
d
who has no witty remarks to end this on.
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